As published in The Florida Villager.
Being Put in the Friend Zone
It’s a Saturday night. You are on your third date with this fabulously handsome guy and have a drink in your hand. He turns to you in the glow of the candlelight and says ever so sweetly, “I think we should just be friends.” Total mood crusher. At that moment, you swing into your convincing mode and with every ounce of energy you have, you attempt to convince him why you should not be banned to the dreaded friend zone.
Ladies, ladies, really? Did you check your self-respect in at the door with your coat? Let’s take an in-depth look at this whole situation and put it in perspective. The facts are you have had three dates with this man. Yes, he might be quite pleasant to look at, he might have a few dollars in the bank and you probably have spent several nights building a Hallmark movie around this “relationship,” but that is it. Even if you have been dating him for a while, the outcome is the same: you are now in the friend zone.
My question to you is why is it so hard to just accept that you might not be what he is looking for and not build it into something more than that? Not being someone’s type doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just simply means you are not the right fit for him and if you are not the right fit for him, he is not the right fit for you. Hearing that someone just wants to be friends throws you into this weird, panicked feeling. We have all felt that at one time or another, but the mistake women make is they immediately try to talk the person into being more than friends. The end result is you still end up being just friends and you come across needy with no self-confidence. This is not a good look and is clearly not the last impression you want to leave him with.
If that phrase seems to be a recurring theme in your dating life, it is time for some honest self-reflection. Is it something you are doing, the way you come across, or is it the type of men you are attracted to? For the latter, look for common denominators in these men, and then ask yourself what need they are fulfilling in your life. We tend to stay with people who fill a need whether it is positive or negative. Is it something you are doing? Are you sleeping with them too quickly or have tried to become ever-present in their lives after just a few dates? An honest evaluation might sting a bit, but it will prevent further heartache down the dating road.
Mandy Hale sums it up by saying, “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum.” And the barber sums it up by saying, “Next.”
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