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An Inspirational Divorce

An Inspirational Divorce – as published in The Huffington Post

June 20, 2016 | Debbie Martinez

If you have ever gotten divorced, you will always remember that moment in time when you realized your life was changing forever. I do. I remember where I was standing when that fateful text came through on his phone and I saw it. I remember the ground opening up in slow motion and me falling like Alice through the rabbit hole only to look up from below to see a very tiny prick of light so very far above and wondering how I was ever going to reach it again. But you do, and as you climb your way up, you learn and you grow and you emerge into the sunlight a different person.

Friends always asked, “How did you do it?” and as Peter Pan said, “Faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust.” Well, actually, my pixie dust came in the form of 3×5 index cards that lined my bathroom mirror. It worked so well for me I have passed this exercise of empowerment onto my clients.

Below you will find motivational/empowerment quotes I used. Write them on 3×5 cards and keep them on your bathroom counter. Every morning flip through them till one jumps out at you and tape it on your mirror. Sometimes I had up to five cards up there at one time because I felt they were so inspiring. Now here is an added bonus — my kids saw them as well. One day I walked into my son’s room and he had two of his own on his mirror. By doing this, you are constantly empowering yourself and in the process teaching your children how to find the light in the darkness.

– How do you view your life? Are you a victim or an explorer on a quest for a new and exciting life?

– I am developing a new image of myself. I am a warrior. I have strength and peace. I am in control. I am not a victim.

-It’s not so much what is happening in that moment or in our lives. It’s our thoughts about what is happening that causes us great stress. Control your thoughts and you control the situation.

– Always listen to your heart. Do not let it harden.

– The fear of something is always greater than the thing you fear.

– The point was to free yourself from something that costs your heart even more. — Paolo Coelho

– Everything that begins also ends. Make peace with that and all will be well. — Buddha

– In the midst of winter, I discovered within me an invincible summer. — Albert Carnus

– Slide your Katherine Hepburn glasses on and face the day.

– A person can justify anything. Don’t let their justification become your reality.

– Surround yourself with positive people and activities.

– Divorce is a sad, traumatic “time” in one’s life. Don’t make it a “lifetime” event.

– When you fall into that abyss, take a deep breath, put it all into perspective, and climb out. No relationship is worth residence there.

– Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen; losing yourself is the worst thing.

– Do not let fear cloud your decisions.

– Whoever angers you, controls you.

– Divorce is about one’s life changing, but not one’s life being taken away.

– You’ve come too far to give up now. You are closer than you think.

– Do not be a slave to others’ opinions. Discard them as you would rotten food. For nothing good will come out of holding on to others’ opinions. Your heart knows the truth.

People always say this is a new chapter, but I say, “Hell, this is a new book and I am the writer, the director and the heroine.” You be the same and I’ll see you on the New York Times bestseller list!

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There’s Always a Next, Never an Only

There’s Always a Next, Never an Only – as published in The Huffington Post

May 20, 2016 | Debbie Martinez

In life there are changes, so instead of wallowing in them, choose to embrace those changes. With change comes amazing opportunities; opportunities to grow emotionally, spiritually, physically and to acquire a new perspective. The problem is not the problem but our reaction to our perceived problem. See, lots of times we think we have a problem because of our choice to perceive it as a problem. It’s all about our mindset.

One way to get back into the flow of life is to have the mindset of, “There’s always a next, never an only.” How many times have we said, “this is my one and only car, house, job, boyfriend…” only to find down the road another car comes along that we like better, has nicer features and suits us better at that time in our lives? So, my point is that just because this relationship/marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that it’s your only – there is a next.

Have a “no exception rule.” That means, no matter what happens in your life, your mindset about yourself and your life won’t change. With an ‘only’ mindset, you view life as if the best has already happened. With a ‘next’ mentality, you view life with hope and expectation that the best is yet to come. You have the ability to write a new chapter in your book of life. How exciting! What do you wish for? Strive towards that wish. Keep yourself focused and ask yourself everyday, “Is what I am doing laying the foundation for that wish or tearing it down? Am I thinking big or thinking small?”

Moving into your next chapter also allows you to unearth your passions. Ask yourself these questions to help you start thinking in that direction, but keep in mind the important element here is to answer them not intellectually but from the heart.

  • What do I love?
  • What things inspire me?
  • What must I have in my life for it to be meaningful?
  • What are my core passions, values and beliefs?
  • When I remember the best/worst time in my life, what precious passion, value or belief was present or missing?