14 Questions to Ask Yourself Thru a Divorce
“The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.”
– Ursula Le Guin
Having been through a divorce, I know the all too familiar feelings of disorganization, helplessness, confusion, and always second guessing yourself. Thoughts can be exhausting when they are all over the place. Here are 14 questions that will help you feel more centered:
- Am I making wise decisions? Are they based on knowledge/facts or are they based on fear and resentment?
- Am I doing all that I can to keep myself healthy? Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
- Am I keeping things in perspective? Realizing that even though this is a traumatic event in present time, I have the next 20-30 years to live a happy and fulfilling life.
- Have I consulted all the people I need in order to lay a good foundation for my and my children’s future? Estate and divorce attorney, child therapist, divorce coach, accountant, financial planner, realtor.
- Am I doing all that I can to help my children in this transition? Taking time to talk, being aware of their feelings, listening to them, keeping traditions, etc.
- Have I started making a future plan? It is never too early to start looking ahead, i.e. moving, career, reinventing yourself.
- Did I do all that I could have to save the marriage and am I at peace with my decision to divorce?
- Have I taken an honest inventory of myself? Things I need to change or work on, lessons learned, what I need for my personal/spiritual growth moving forward.
- Am I forgiving of myself on days I’m emotionally exhausted? Realizing that the best I can give today might not be the same tomorrow.
- Even though I might despise my soon to be ex, am I fostering good relations between him/her and our children?
- Am I taking the high road? It’s so easy to lash out and want to make life difficult for your soon to be ex, but before you do, think about the regrets you are choosing.
- Am I giving myself grace? Understanding that my life has changed and my house might not be perfect, kid’s lunches might not be the best and the laundry keeps piling up. Perfection needs to be put on the shelf during this time.
- Am I asking for help when I need it? Now is not the time to be Mr/Ms Independent; there is nothing weak in asking for a helping hand.
- Am I making friends/family members choose between myself and my ex? It is human nature to want people to be on our side, however, putting friends and family in a position to where they feel they have to choose will not bode well for you in the end.
Keeping these questions in the forefront of your mind will not only help you navigate this difficult time in your life but help propel you into your brighter future.
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